XBox One Can't Win is a Clip of the Week from 2013.

XBox One Can't Win
Cast Ben, Sean, Bryan, Chad, Craig
Intro Host none
Upload Date July 20th 2013
Clip / Ad none

Synopsis Edit

In a secret Microsoft research facility Ben is researching the reception of the Xbox One. He has called a bored Sean (a Microsoft executive) in to tell him about the disturbing results of the experiment. Ben shows Sean to the screen where Chad is playing a game, and Ben comments that he appears to be enjoying himself. Ben calls in Bryan to tell Chad that it is an Xbox One exclusive.

Chad becomes enraged, pushing Bryan away, and throwing the hardware onto the ground and jumping on it! This is the fifteenth subject out of fifteen! The most likely triggers are the words Microsoft and Xbox One. When people hear these words, they become enraged and forget how to judge a game objectively.

The subjects were asked to rate the game out of ten and asked to describe their experience in one word. The reports from the people who weren't told about the Xbox exclusivity gave the game; 8 - Fun, 7.5 unique, and  6 - OK. The reports from people who were told are all scrunched up. The scores were - 0 - Gay, 00 Ass and the last one is barely readable. Sean is mad. They have changed all the policies and fixed what people didn't like.

Ben then shows Sean the screen where Craig is told that the game is on PS4. Craig hugs Bryan and throws money at the game. Sean says that no one has that much money! Craig then starts to take his pants off. Ben says that people do that for another 30-45 minutes.

Sean starts pacing, and asks Ben what people do when they are told it is on the Wii U. They don't believe them, and some of them laugh! They believe that they have come up with an idea. Sean looks pleased.

An ad for Killer Instinct is shown, and every few seconds a picture of breasts is shown.

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